My Resolution
By Thomas Geraghty, Brian Geraghty, John Geraghty, Eric Armstrong and Ray
“Bubba" Stottmann
Thought up a brand new conclusion
Have to make my resolution
It’s something that I have to do
It’s a long term solution
A brand new constitution
And I’m gonna see it through
A new year’s a closing
And I will be proposing
A new direction for my life
Don’t need no more persuading
Time I stopped evading
Gonna kill my bitch of a wife
I’d like to run her over
With my ’96 Range Rover
Brake torque some rubber on her face
And when I smell the asphalt burning
I’ll stop my tires from turning
Her mother doesn’t love her anyway
A present from your hubby
It’s a toaster in the tubby
Will make her perm straighten out
And when that water starts to bubble
Then I’ll know that she’s in trouble
When it smells like I’m cooking sauerkraut
Nag, nag, nag, nag is all you ever do
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch I’m gonna kill you
Had to drive her pretty far
To the nearest redneck bar
And yell my wife can womp your trailer queen
And when Big Bertha starts a stalking
That’s when I’ll start a walking
Out the door while she’s tearing out her spleen
Take her chunkin pumpkins
With some good ole rowdy bumpkins
Have her stand a half a mile down field
And when they send those orbs a flying
Hopefully she’ll soon be dying
When a pumpkin finds her head and seals the deal
Stop, stop, stop, stop bitching all the time
Your fat, fat, fat, fat ass will soon be mine
Send her hunting with Dick Cheney
Get a bullet in the brainy
He’ll hang her head like a trophy on his wall
Right next to his stuffed moosey
And his pair of big grey gooseys
She’s the meanest looking critter of them all
How about some swimming in the ocean
With a little magic potion
A chum bag tied to her snorkel strap
When a great white comes for din-din
And it’s chewing on her chin-chin
In her wet suit she will crap
Spend, spend, spend, spend my money all the time
Gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe soon you will be dying
And when she is a dying
My funds are multiplying
When my insurance check rolls in
And my money starts a flowing
And the Hooter girls are knowing
That I’m living a brand new life of sin
And now that’s she’s dead
I’ll decapitate her head
Put it in a haunted house for all to see
Then I will be happy
And I will not feel so crappy
Cause you’ll be scaring other folks instead of me
Bye, bye, bye, bye now you are deceased
At last, last, last, last I finally slew the beast
That’s my brand new conclusion
Glad I made my resolution
It’s something that I had to do
It was a long term solution
A brand new constitution
And I’m glad I saw it through
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